On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize