Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
