I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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