oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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