when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
