ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
