U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
