just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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