I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
