Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
