I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
