Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
