I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
