so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize