Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
