Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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