Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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