I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
