listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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