Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesnโt shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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