the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
