First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
