believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I will pee on everything he values.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
