a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
