I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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