No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
