Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
