I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
