i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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