Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
