But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
