Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
