i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
