No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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