I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
