So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
