i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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