i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
