Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize