I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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