so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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