I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
