You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
