New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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