i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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