yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
