She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
