I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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