So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
