Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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