this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
