Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
