I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
