Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
