I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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