I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize