What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
