can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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