how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
