Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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