You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this will be a night to untag.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize