what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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