Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
