I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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