I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
