some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
