walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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