can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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