i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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