so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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