I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
