I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize