he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
