I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
