Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
