Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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