I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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