No stitches, just platelets and will power
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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