That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
