That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
