her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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