Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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