my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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