He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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