dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize