I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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