I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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