You work out of a Hotel?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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