I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
