we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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