Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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