So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize