after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
