This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
