Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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