Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
