4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
