I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
