I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
