I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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