My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
