Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think I just sharted jello shots
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
