He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
